seriously…how many times do we have to go through this? and they still dont get it…seriously why are parents the biggest contradictions in the world? they tell you one and when you do what they say, they go a head and say something else. really now? im realizing that being the youngest in this family is a bitch…why because im living under the shadows of the first born who fucked up and now my parents expect waaaay more out of me….which i understand that they dont want me to turn out like my sister but they also have to understand me and where im coming from. there is no way in hell im going to fuck up my own life like she did to hers…seriously that is not one of the options. i know my parents care about me and my future but theyre just getting on my nerves about it. they tell me to go to school and finish school, get a job so you have money to spend; and when i do go to school, they have no faith in me graduating, and when i do have a job they tell me how to manage money….um hello! i can do all of that shit on my own. if you tell me to do things at least fucking support me in the things i do instead of always trying to bring me down. that’s what i dont get the most. how can you tell your own daughter that she is not gonna graduate? how can you not have faith in your own daughter? how the fuck can you not be supportive in anything she does? seriously how is that fucking possible?!!! i know i getting older and i should be more dependent on myself, but how is that possible for me if you cant even trust me? seriously cant you guys just listen for once…thats all i want is for you guys to listen and understand me. i feel like you guys dont even take the time to listen to me anymore you guys are so wrapped up in other things that you dont even listen to your own daughter anymore.
because of this i feel so alone in this house. theres a reason why i dont like staying home…i try to get away from all of this…all of the fighting and contradicting comments thatll be said….i feel like ive been brainwashed. ive become the problem child, everything is my fault, there is no reason to be here anymore. just once, all i want for them is to just listen.
You eat, you’re fat. You don’t eat, you’re a freak. You drink, you’re an alcoholic. You don’t drink, you’re a pussy. You read, you’re a nerd. You don’t read, you’re stupid. You tell a secret, you’re an attention seeker. You don’t tell a secret, you’re still attention seeking. You let someone in, you’re easy. You don’t let someone in, you’re too uptight. You smoke, you think you’re cool. You don’t smoke, you’re a loser. You’ve had sex, you’re a slut. You haven’t had sex, you’re a frigid little bitch. You wear make up, you’re a slag. You don’t wear make up, you’re ugly. You can’t please anyone. ever.
i think it’s time for me to vent. ive been holding so many things inside that im about to burst….if i dont say this now…..idk what im gonna do.
first off……stuff about school. i love going to school, trust me….i kinda sorta do but honestly this semester started off pretty irritating. ummm tell me, what kind of teacher tells you to do your homework, but doesn’t even check it if it’s right or wrong?! seriously, if you expect us to learn something at least tell us if our answers are right or wrong. and when we’re correcting our tests, wouldnt help for the teacher to at least KNOW the RIGHT ANSWER?!!!! come on! its kind of shame that your own students who are pretty much younger than you are correcting your own mistakes and its not for just one answer….its basically half the test, also when we correct them ourselves, cant you at least take the time to correct it yourself….gosh it wouldnt kill you!…TEACHER… PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR GODDAMN MIND!! it’s seriously driving me insane when you tell us one thing and then tell us another thing. and when we do something our way that’s pretty much correct…dont tell us how to do it YOUR way…how the fuck are we supposed to learn if you keep taking away that opportunity?! ughhh really now….how the hell did you get the right to teach…dont get me wrong, your a pro at what you do….but teaching is definitly not your forte’….to the class in general, i like it…i dont love it…but its pretty okay…..considering its mostly newbies and theres only 6 of use from the previous semesters. im sorry to say but these damn newbies are fucking clueless for when it comes to cleaning…im not being mean but its the motherfucking truth….. SERIOUSLY, DID ANY OF YOU EVER PICK UP A BROOM OR A MOP IN YOUR LIFE???!!! i cant say this to all of them because i know some that actuallydo work hard and get things done and does their job….im talking about the spoiled, prissy, obnoxious, big mouthed, all talk, no show kind of people….seriously your in school to fucking learn, yeah its okay to fool around..im mean i admit i fool around way too much but at least i do my shit and get things done. but to all of you other guys at least have some fucking respect and consideration for others. when we ask something we expect an answer and not no dead silence…WTF if you want respect we give it, but when it comes to some of you….NOTHING!…the first couple weeks us 2nd and 3rd semesters let it go but now its come to a point where you guys are becoming more experienced and it shouldnt be told. really, everytime do i have shout out to you guys “HEY IF NOONE’S DOING ANYTHING CAN YOU GUYS HELP SWEEP AND MOP?!” WTF?! and seriously ive seen the same people sweep and mop for the 4 weeks we’ve been in class including myself and i see the same people doing the same amount of nothing the past 4 weeks we’ve been in school. Come on people i know some of you just fucking graduated well, welcome to the real fucking world! just be glad im not in a bad mood…ill be on all your asses….seriously as these weeks goes by and its the same routine with the same people cleaning and the same people doing nothing…..trust me, ill say something, i may be small…but i can have a big mouth when it comes to saying what needs to be said….and i wouldnt give a fuck….think about it.
homelife…..oh mother…why is it i feel you say something to get me all mad and irritated on purpose?! i try to hold it in but it just comes out and i get in more trouble…..what i hate is that they always contradict what they say…they tell me “you better go to school and study hard…find a job and you can buy anything you like”… umm and then when i stay in my room forever studying or doing homework or my project i get yelled at for doing what they call “nothing”….uh hello? how can you say i was doing nothing if you havent even checked up on me? wth right? and when i am going to school and studying hard yeah…i get no praise or nothing nice from my parents…seriously they are a big let down. another thing….yes i have a job…yes i have money…and when i spend MY OWN MONEY on something for ME, you guys get all mad and tell me to save it…..uhhhmmmm HELLOOOO! you said it was my money and YOU said i could spend it anywhich way i like! gosh you guys are so confusing…..those are just the minor things….what i really dislike is that none of them are supportive for me and any of my decisions……gosh really. i tell them something like “oh i have an event coming up but its far away” and they give me something like “(in a flilipino accent) are going to dribe? what about de gus? hah? your carr gon broke you know”…mhmmmm yeah apparently they care about a car rather than their own daughter….how wonderful is that…..yeppp…ohh and another example is when i got a scholarship…..all they said was “wow, no you can pay me back” mhhhmmmm all they cared about was the money….wtf is this?! really now….is that how you guys are raising me…..apparently it feela like ive raised and learned myself…..ugh idk…all i know is that i need to get out of this damn place…. its driving me nuts….one day its gonna take me to the point where i yell at eveyone in this house……yeah thatll be the day…..
and now i feel somewhat better…..all i need now is a phone call from my lovely boyfriend to calm my nerves…….